So it’s been …

So it’s been a while… lol 

Quite a few days since I’ve blogged.  Just to set the record straight I have NOT been binging in a corner somewhere eating myself into a stupor lol…

I spent the weekend away in Niagara Falls at a women’s retreat and while there I didn’t have access to the internet, and then upon my return my computer started acting up and I had to bring it in for repairs :(

But we are all better now and I’m back into the swing of things.  I have really missed my updates, for as hard as it is to share my progress… it helps me stay accountable and minimizes the amount of times I might ‘slip’ off course.

Overall I’ve had 4 great days since I’ve last blogged and 2 days that I’d like to forget happened lol… ok not THAT bad… but yes… I did fall off the band wagon on Sunday evening (the night I returned from my retreat) and Monday.  Tuesday and today however I’ve gotten myself back on course (THANK GOD) and I’m back in the game!!  I hate having to confess my sins in my blog… but hey… that’s what I’ve committed to… so I’ve got to follow through.

Overall I’m feeling encouraged knowing that I’m slowly achieving my goal… I would have hoped to have been closer by now… but I’m not so instead of getting all upset and giving up… I’m going to press on :)

I’ve come too far to turn back now… 

CBM

Just checking in

Just checking in…

Nothing significant to say today other than I’m celebrating one more victorious day (with regards to my healthy eating/fitness journey)….

I’m up late working on a talk I’ll be giving on Saturday… so I’m tired… after a very long day of work all I want is my bed… but I’m so happy to be awake doing what I love to do… instead of awake doing something that I HATE (I think we’ve all had those kinds of experiences)­­­­.

Alright… that’s all from me tonight…

Bye bye…

CBM

Over/Binge Eating

As I was on my way to the gym this evening I decided to grab a book read while I was doing my cardio.  The book I picked up was Woman Food and God by Geneen Roth (a lovely birthday gift from a very close friend)  Geneen Roth is an author who teaches workshops and retreats on various issues, but is well known for her perspectives on people and their relationship with food.

I started reading the book in December, and it sort of fell off my radar when I began my Christmas Season binging… but lately I’ve been wanting to get back into reading it, so tonight I grabbed it and headed out.

And to my surprise I picked up at about chapter 3 and so much of what the author was saying was leaping off of the page and smacking me upside the head… lol.  As I read I thought I’d share one of the passages that was a bit of an ‘aha’ moment for me.  The author is basically sharing what she says to new people when they have arrived at the resort/retreat she has yearly for over/binge eating.

“I tell them that if compulsive eating is anything, it’s a way we leave ourselves when life gets hard.  When we don’t want to notice what is going on.  Compulsive eating is a way we distance ourselves from the way things are when they are not how we want them to be.  I tell them that ending the obsession with food is all about the capacity to stay in the present moment.  To not leave themselves.  I tell them that they don’t have to make a choice between losing weight and doing this.  Weight loss is the easy part; anytime you truly listen to your hunger and fullness, you lose weight.  But I also tell them that compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive.  No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul.  We refuse to take in what sustains us.  We live lives of deprivation.  And when we can’t stand it any longer, we binge.”  Women Food and God – Pg37

This passage REALLY resonated with me…. I could see elements of my own struggle in much of what was written, so I thought I’d share it…

Hope it was as interesting/insightful for you, as it was for me.

CBM

It’s feels like summer and it’s not even Spring yet

I for one am thoroughly enjoying the higher than seasonal weather we’ve been having this year in the GTA. IT makes me want to be outside running, walking, just breathing in the sunlight!

And today I was able to do that 🙂 I started my day with a jog, and then because I was working from home I took several breaks to just go sit outside and soak in the sun, then after picking up my boys from daycare spent most of the evening outside with them.

I just LOVE this kind of weather… not too hot… yet not too cool.  My husband says he’d love to sleep outside if he could… lol  I personally am looking forward to summer and many many evenings spent outside!

So update on my eating healthy journey… today was another successful day!! Yay… I’m thankful I’m in a competition that is forcing me to keep my butt in gear… at this rate I’ll be R-E-A-D-Y for the summer fun!!!

🙂

Self Esteem 

Today I went to a workshop on self esteem, and as I sat and listened to all the different factors that go into developing a person’s sense of self, and how they see themselves I was surprised to see myself looking around the room feeling like I did not fit in (I was the only person of color in the workshop… which is VERY common at many of the workshops/trainings I attend) and I found myself thinking A LOT about my weight… and thinking that if I could just be 15 pounds lighter I might feel more comfortable…. can you believe that?!?!?!

When I caught myself and what I was doing I was quite surprised at myself… I was sort of embarrassed inside myself I guess… but then I was also a little annoyed with myself, because it’s NOT the truth and I KNOW it’s not the truth.  There are so many factors that play into how I feel about myself, and while losing a few pounds may positively impact my life in some ways… it won’t/can’t solve ALL my problems/issues, and I can’t believe how deeply ingrained this idea of ‘weight loss’ being the ultimate problem solver, is in my head.

I wonder if that’s a part of why this weight loss journey is so challenging for me?

CBM

30 more days to go

Aaaaaaaaaah I made it through the day!!! Thank God!!! I’m laying in my bed writing this blog, feeling torn and wishing it was a cheat day 🙁 I realize how unhelpful it is to cheat because of how hard it makes getting back on track 🙁 Well no point sitting here complaining. It is what it is and I’m in the throws of the ...

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Day 14

So… Tonight I’m sharing the TRUTH… I’m sharing my continued struggle.  I’ve had 2 days that haven’t been good… I’ve had 2 days of making bad choices in my eating that I regret the next morning when I wake up… (it’s always the worse the next morning). So I was thinking about why/how I have fallen off the wagon ‘yet again’ and I recognize ...

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Day 12

So this is my confession. My son’s birthday party was on Saturday and I planned on not eating any sweets including the cake, but at about 2am the night before as I was hard at work doing some of the final preparation I felt a little whisper inside me saying ‘come on Colleen…. Look how hard your working… You DESERVE at least a SLICE ...

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